im working at finding my neutrality

the extreme fluxuation between passion and focused direction haunts me

as a young girl the passionate romantic stirrings of my heart kept me in a whirlwind

it was extremely fun and freeing to be untethered

now in my mid life as i am sandwiched between my aging parents

and my teenaged daughters 

i am finding myself paralized by these opposites 

seeing my parents in their safe, predictable existence

their paths have been paved by their choices

my daughters are still in the crysalis with opportunities awaiting

sky is the limit 

possibilities are endless

in the center of these two contrasting situations lies me

remembering and holding on to the young woman who had a free heart

unburdened by responsibilites 

the dreamer of my own dreams

who now is caught between the desire to be free yet also craving groundedness

a sense of purpose and direction are calling me

to stop and listen to my soul 

asking myself "why am i here?"

"what is my soul's purpose?"

it's time to find the balance and not be afraid of responsibility

stop running 

sit

look within

accept myself

flawed and honest

no more pretense 

what i am realizing is that i can balance the fuel of my passion with the oxygen of my groundedness

allowing the greatest fire of purpose to burn 

giving birth to the highest version of myself

Authenticity for the new year

With this new year beginning for the very first time in my life I feel particularly concious and aware of my deep responsibility to honor my self.  I am in my 46th year of living on this planet and am finally feeling okay to allow myself to be, just that  "BE".  Sure I can drive myself crazy with the list of shoulds and have to's.  Being a wife and a mother of two teenaged daughters and a preteen son, you can imagine the needs and demands have taken their toll on me.  I have gone through the bumps and sharp edges of life's journey as we all do, if you are alive it is inevitable.  I have lost my way and gone to very dark corners of my inner self.  I have tried to numb myself and check out from feeling the pain that held me hostage.  I victimized myself , blaming others for the mess that I was in.  But all of these seemingly protective layers that I engaged still left me feeling empty and lost.  What I am realizing is that there is no escaping the work that is needed to be done in my lifetime.  Truly living an honorable life with self respect takes discipline, self love, acceptance of others and a deep committment to being as authentic as I can possibly be.  

Authenticity is what I am connecting with this year.  I am , allowing my honest , authentic self to just BE.  What does that mean exactly?  The definition of authentic means real or genuine : not copied or false. : true and accurate. : made to be or look just like an original. 

So with this in mind I am making a committment to my self and my soul to let go of the judgement and concern of being different .  We are all unique and true joy comes from practicing loving kindness of self.  When we are able to love ourselves , we are able to love others and appreciate their differences.  That is the only way to a peaceful world in my eyes.  Allowing others to be who they are as well as honoring who we are.